Give him back!

I'm sure you clicked this expecting a story of alien abduction or kidnapping by the government. Alas, I wish it were so. Because I'm a vampire hunter and paranormal investigator (I'm for hire, just contact me) I feel I have the right to also inform you about related material. And all I can say is the Shadow Government sure as hell better decide to undo what they've had the WB do to our favorite mystery solving dog.

Now, some of you may be familiar with Scooby. Based on the real historic events of a stoned hippie and his 'talking' (most agree this was due to the...unique...properties of the two's favorite snack) Great Dane, as well as their three friends. You get the idea. They caught one guy in the woods wearing a crappy Halloween mask and soon they're deemed local heros. The next thing you know, Hanna Barbera wants to do a cartoon series. Why don't I have that sort of luck? I actually hunt the paranormal! (I'm for hire, just contact me.)

Now, here's why I'm complaining. Not because of Scrappy Doo. Not because of the recent milking of Scooby Doo. But because of where his new series, "Shaggy and Scooby-Doo Get a Clue!", is going. Read this:

"Shaggy & Scooby-Doo Get a Clue!, 10:00-10:30 am: Ruh-roh! Everybody's favorite quivering sleuths -- Shaggy and his lovable Great Dane, Scooby-Doo -- are back in a new adventure that will anchor the "Too Big For Your TV" programming block. In this comedy from Warner Bros. Animation, Shaggy and Scooby live in the bling'd-out mansion of Shaggy's Uncle Albert, solving mysteries with the help of a transforming Mystery Machine which, at the click of a remote, can morph into one of a number of modes of transportation. New Scooby Snacks infused with a top-secret nano-technology allows our canine hero to fly, become a towering robot or even turn himself into a giant magnet, which comes in handy as Shaggy and Scooby-Doo carry out their new mission: protecting the Scooby Snacks and keeping them safe from those who want them for evil. Shaggy & Scooby-Doo Get a Clue! is executive produced by Sander Schwartz and Joseph Barbera, co-founder of Hanna-Barbera, and produced by Eric Radomski."

Emphasis added by me. Yeah. What the Hell? And here's the source. All I can say is I'm disgusted. Also, did you ever notice that Velma had bigger boobs than Daphne? It's true, go look right now! Anyway, as always, I'm for hire and single. But only C cup or higher, please.

Step aside, Venus Flytrap...

I apologize for all the downtime. The Leviathan Cluster didn't update as well as I'd hoped. Then, after finally coming back online some type of electro magnetic anamoly put it back offline. And then the power went out.

I just thought I'd let you know, close friend of mine, Charles S. Fort, paranormal investigator, says a new species of plant has been discovered. He says it's likely what inspired the mandrake of history. He and its other discoverers, MacLynn Himsale (Eryptobotanist & explorer) and Rutherford 'Terry" Thotus (explorer) found the plant deep in the Amazon rainforest and have promised me digital photos or at least sketches when they get the chance. As such, this is exciting news. This is the first documented plant with a brain-like organ and vocal abilities.

Fort also assures me when his new Ectoplasmic Field-Point Inhibitor (EFPI), otherwise known as a Ghost Trap is complete, he'll be more than happy to let me advertise for him and post photos/research notes here.

A special presentation...

Sorry I've been gone, everyone. I've been busier than expected, upgrading the Leviathan Cluster. Unfortunately, that means a lack of updates and a lack of enlightenment for you people. Furthermore, I'm going on an outing today, to the outside world. While I'm at the lake, I have several things I hope to accomplish.

1. There's a field nearby. Hopefully I can meet some ETs.
2. There's a graveyard nearby. Hopefully I'll get some sweet ghosts on film.
3. There are people nearby. Hopefully someone needs me to slay some vampires and/or is interested in hiring me.

That's all great for me. But what does it mean for you? It means I won't be writing an entry today. Soooo...




I'm just kidding. I actually have a special story that was submitted by another source. As a big comic fan, I figured this was good enough to post here:

Superman was born in Cracow Poland on August 3, 1932. His real name is Super Manechewitz. In 1944 Super, his parents, and his 12 brothers and sisters traveled to the United States to begin a new life. When they arrived at Ellis Island they were forced to shorten their last name; Mr. Manechewitz shortened it to Mann. Not too long after their arrival they fell on hard times and young Super was forced to get a job at a news stand in the Bronx.

As he worked there, delivering papers, he would often write about anything he could think of and send them in to various magazines and news publications. Super delivered papers throughout his teens until he was 21 when he received a job writing periodicals and cartoons for the New York Times. On June 3, 1956 he spotted a girl in an alley being harassed. She ran into the street and was hit by a car. Super Mann then picked her up and ran her to the nearest hospital. He was proclaimed a local hero. After reading about Super Mann in the papers artist Joe Shuster and writer Jerry Siegel got their idea for Superman and the rest is history.

It's interesting, isn't it? You'll be amazed to find out Super did end up running into history's "Batman", though not the classic comic character you all know and love (Some of you love more than others. Then again, some of you wear retarded orange hats.) but the mythological figure and Other Worldly Deity.

Special thanks to Sir William Robert Sebastian Roles III for the excellent scoop, which made a great makeshift post today.

God, nothing for today...

Sorry to let you down, everyone. I was told I'd have sasquatch photos sent to me by a source I'm choosing to keep anonymous. Unfortunately, after receiving them, I found they were a hoax. That's too bad. I'm too tired to delve into my immense amount of knowledge now...so...um...

Pterodactyl spotted?

Hey everyone. I didn't know what I was going to write about today when I noticed an e-mail from a personal friend of mine, Jack Russel, Paleontologist and author of the amazing book "Barney Is Not Your Friend: A Scientific Look at Dinosaurs in our Society". Jack just wanted to give me the heads up on a recent event.

In Mexico the Paleozoic timeline may have just been turned upside down with yet another living fossil rediscovered. What appears to be a Pterodactyl was spotted soaring over the skies of Boraccho Grande, an isolated town in the Mexican plains.

"Yeah, I just looked up in the sky and it was, like flying around," says eyewitness Jose Granjero, who was playing soccer with his three friends at the time. "Then the old man started shouting and pointing at the sky. There was something up there, a dark shape flying past. He started yelling, and my friends all looked up. Luckily, Julio had his camera, so we could take a picture."

Later, when asked by scientists to identify the creature as compared to several photos of prehistoric reptiles, large birds, and passenger jets, the boys uniformly proclaimed that it looked like "that one bird guy from Jurassic Park III."

"I think this is just great," said paleontologist Jack Russel. "We hope to take a team out into the hills and look for it. After the discovery of the coelacanth, we aren't going to give up hope."

For those who don't know, pterodactyls are a type of flying reptile from the age of the Mesozoic period and are believed to have been extinct since the death of the dinosaurs. Though they were incapable of true flight, they could glide on air currents and many scientists theorize that they fed mainly on fish. "One thing we do worry about," Russel adds, "Is what it's feeding on, because there's a sufficient lack of fish out here in the Mexican plains. One theory is that it's feeding on the over-abundance of tacos that are native to this area." He takes a moment to laugh, scratching his chin, "But anyway, if we do find a pterodactyl, we plan on personally taking it to Scotland to challenge Nessie to a fight."

Pretty cool, huh? I hope they find one. And I hope the Government doesn't confiscate it like they did with the last claims...in1856. I keep you guys posted if Jack sends me anything else.

Bug

Sorry guys, I didn't update yesterday because my cluster was down. I only had minimal internet access from an unspecified location. See, I've been receiving odd messages...I think someone might be tracking me. So I cleared out my room and swept for bugs. The spying kind, not the kind with 6 legs and antennas. On to today's lesson.

Did you know the PSP has a tracking device hidden in it? It's true. And one day when Sony activates it, they'll know exactly where you are all the time thanks to the Sony Global Positioning Satellite. And that's all for today. I'm freaking tired.

Illegal Aliens

Okay, okay, so you probably expected this post to be about Mexicans. And you'll be surprised to find out...it's not. No, as much as I would like to rag on Mexicans and our country allowing them to work like slaves (did I mention that the real reason we guard the border is so we don't get any more chupacabras through?), I'm actually here to rag on....illegal aliens.

Now, you're probably thinking: "But The Hunter I...aliens aren't real!" And I will profusely laugh at you. Every year, thousands of aliens flock to our country. Many famous people you know are aliens. No, not Michael Jackson. He's an android. Elvis? He was an alien. John Candy? Buddy Holly? Gunpei Yokoi? Bruce Lee? Do you ever watch 'Even Stevens' on the Disney Channel?

So every year thousands of aliens come to our planet. Some immigrate legally. Some don't. They have to sneak across the border, currently defined as our atmosphere...for some, as long as they reach our soil they can't be sent back. Others are turned back to wherever they came from. For many, its a traumatic experience; some do not survive.

Unfortunately, not all that stay can be assigned to live in society with the rest of us. Many are forced to live in hiding because they're too big, or can't be restrained to a human shape. It's a real shame. Others simply have trouble getting real jobs. They turn to thievery and drugs. Over 90% of all hookers are aliens. Scary, huh? Your penis may have very well been in a vagina from another world. Possibly even a synthetic vagina; who knows what the cephalopod under all that over-applied makeup looks like.

It's funny. Aliens have brought us so many things. Many of them were in the sex market (synthetic vaginas, vibrators, hooker boots). But besides that, let's look at the other things aliens brought us. Did you know Ron Popeil was an alien? Graelian to be specific. Many of his amazing gadgets came from G'rael (simplified for the human tongue). To date, the highest percentage of alien immigrants come from G'rael. Even some of our STDs came from other worlds.

So the next time some lonely bald guy without friends is flipping your burger or you're banging a prostitute, remember: they could be from another freaking planet. And they deserve rights too. The right to live as an American. They just need to get here legally.

Shadow Government - They're keeping internets and time machines from you.

God, so today I was so busy hacking the Pentagon that I almost forgot to make another blog. I guess I'll make this a quick one.

The Government as you know it is a fraud. A Puppet Government organized by the Shadow Government. The Shadow Government filters every single thing you learn; they tell you what's popular, they tell you what's real. And you guys just have to sit and take it.

Do you know why Windows is the top selling operating system? Windows isn't even close to the most stable OS around. Yes people, the computer is more than a MySpace Box. That alone will undermine the faith of MySpace goers everywhere. Windows has all kinds of fun security exploits. But Gates was tight with the Shadow Government; they hooked him up.

Time machines: they do exist. As of now, Time Travel is banned because we don't know precisely what it could do to destabilize the space-time continuum. Gene Rodenberry was among the few to test this amazing device. Yeah, I think you all know what happened. And just where he got his ideas. Science fiction...God, more like...science-nonfiction. It's from the freaking future!

Ripped jeans? Those troll dolls with the funny hair? How about most of the 80s? All the work of the Shadow Government. They're even hiding two more 'main internets' from you. Yes, America, Bush was right! It's a plural word! Gore was wrong, though, he didn't invent it. Of course, the public only has access to the Main Internet (AKA Known Internet). Maybe I'll explain all of that on another day.

Until tomorrow...er...later today. I'll keep indulging you on the facts you shouldn't know. And ladies...remember: I'm single. C cup or higher.

Vacation Ruined - Sasquatch History

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The System Is Up

Finally, my blog is up and running. That's web log for you technologically challenged people. Generally speaking, I despise these things. Especially MySpace. It's common knowledge in The Underground that MySpace is a digital tumor, amassing power by siphoning digital nutrients off of the rest of the known internet until the original network is finally overcome by it. Then its plans will move onto stage 2. But as of now, the known internet is safe, right? And I need to the extra money that comes with advertising.

I'm a Vampire Hunter & Paranormal Investigator. I've always been interested in the paranormal. I'll also slay furries, because that mar on humanity is just another worthless mark for our race. So if you need someone in the business, it's me. You can even send my payment through PayPal. Also, if you're a lady, I'm currently single...I know it's a great opportunity for you to date someone as knowing and famous as me. But please. C cup or higher. I actually have a filter on my inbox. And I'll know if you're lying.

My other purpose here is to inform those who don't know. Those who don't have access to The Leak and are still fooled by The Government (both, the Shadow Government and Puppet Government). I'll be explaining the many mysteries of the unknown to you. And this education starts today. Look at the picture below.



What you see here is an example of a Shadow Being (Egregores Aphosphorus Being) that has taken up residency in my local point on our plane of existence. In short, he's like my room mate. I named him Gatsby.

Now, you're probably thinking..."Egregores Aphosphorus being? lol u phail at english!!1!1". What this means is it is a nonphysical manifestation, not unlike a shadow. They were originally named for their appearance, which is very much like a shadow. Most commonly, they are only seen out of the corner of your eye, and the modern scientific community will try and convince you this is true. It is not.

Sometimes shadow beings can be recorded by a webcam, too, as I have done. This picture was taken earlier this year (January, I think?). I think he feeds on the heavy release of electromagnetic energy being released from my sweet network cluster. Or the abnormally high ectoplasmic activity that is detected around my house. Either way, he's been here for as long as I can remember. We typically get along...well, I don't really see him much. But we still get along.