The Big Bang - New Theory from Wired

Okay, so I was reading this article in Wired (yes, I occasionally will occasinally give a shout out to you...ahem...mom-n-pop news sources....gotta help the little guy) the other day, when I came across this news article. It's all about the Big Bang.

Apparently some dude is applying string theory to the Big Bang and came up with the genius idea that it just loops in a cycle -- one lump bangs into a Universe, then collapses and repeats. I'm reading this wondering...why the Hell is it news? Haven't we all been taught this theory since...like...forever? Well, okay, not you Huckabee. I know you're still struggling with basic evolution, but at least we've now seen a guy who plugs his ears and goes "na-na-na-na-na!" to the entire basis of speciaction and genetic science can still manage to go places. Good for you!

Okay, so string theory. He used string theory. Which is basically Linux for theories. It's the one that does all kinds of things differently and people secretly like but don't really have a reason to use outside of their little world...because no one else is using it.
It's not even that he received condemnation from the Catholic church, because they're willing to condemn gay guys...uh...gay guys...and the devil. Actually, that last one is pretty rightfully earned. If you don't hate the devil you suck.

"According to Turok, who teaches at Cambridge University, the Big Bang represents just one stage in an infinitely repeated cycle of universal expansion and contraction. Turok theorizes that neither time nor the universe has a beginning or end."

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Did I read that right? Turok?! And so I read on...

"Turok spoke with Wired.com about the Big Bang, the intellectual benefits of cosmology and his bet with Stephen Hawking."

Yes! Turok! It's freaking Turok and now he's researching String Theory and the orign of the cosmos! He's making bets with Stephen Hawking! How?! Why?! When did this happen?!

He went from:

To:


After looking over his page, I find no mention of Chronosceptors, the Lost Land, bionosaurs, or gratuitous amounts of first person violence -- just legitimate mathematics. What's the deal? Seriously? Go back to your old job, Turok; we need more dinosaur hunters in this world.

Want a REAL question in a REAL comic book?

Ever wanted to have ask The Hunter I a question? Ever wanted to do it on a place that isn't MySpace, the phone, 4 rlz, or in bed? How about in a comic book? Yes a real comic book -- that's so real only bold text can describe its realness!
Well then send me your questions!
I've decided my advice wasn't good enough in the on-the-internet variety, so I'm having a comic book made about me. And I'm going to have a letters page! Because all good comic books should! It's a chance for me to really get in touch with my fans. Also to get in touch with greasy nerds who are too fat to already check the internets.

Ask about your paranormal woes. Ask about me. Ask about if I'll have sex with you (if you're hot) -- it doesn't matter!

So how do you do it? Its easy. Just send a postcard to the address on your screee--send me a message. Yeah, here! And I'll get it and pick the best ones for my reeeaaaaal comic booooook!
Remember, it's not a contest. But I'm only gonna print the best ones.

NOTE: This post is here for archive purposes. I am not currently taking messages unless otherwise states. Thank you for reading.

Attention Lionheart

I don't know who you are, douche-fag, but you can kindly stay off my Myspace, scaring away potential customers. It's people like me who make it safe for everyone (including losers like you) to live in this world.

In the past year I've been working under contract with Group X. You may have heard whispers of them, but they're an independant society (formerly known as Project Prometheus) who's mission is to protect the innocent from paranormal entitities; they're also in charge of establishing laws that cover the endangerment of cryptids and such. Group X saw my amazing hunting prowess and has asked me to work for them on a purely job-by-job basis. It's nice work and I get to meet a lot of nice people.

Then you asshats from the PPA show up. We don't mercilessly hunt paranormal creatures, unless they have valuable pelts, etc. My goal is to keep people safe. All the voluptuous girls who are like "Hunter I! I sensed your sheer awesomeness from over 45 miles away and have come to admire you!" are just a little bonus. And if I have to take out a few dozen chupacabras with a shotgun in the process, so be it.

I hate The Man as much as I sometimes love to work for him. You can't trust the government, because they hide things from us, just like you can't trust the guy at McDonald's to not spit in your food. But that's why I'm here. To leak it all.

So you liberal PPA jerks can kindly get off my internets. You don't understand half of what's going on and are detracting from a service that you benefit from.

FINAL FIVE POINTS:
1. Yeah, I've met the Sasquatch people before. I've also detailed their rich, historic past. Big deal.
2. The Matrix sucked, you poser.
3. Hannah Montana isn't a succubus. She's an AS-20 class android (bipedal, titanium frame, dual Tesla coil generator, likely armed with twin mini railgun-cannons) that was released by the government to engage and control the masses, by benefit of the Disney Corporation. And by 'masses' I mean 'females of the target age group 8-14'. By funding Project Hannah Montana (ironically started in the state of Montana), the Government accepts to "not acknowledge" what remains of Walt Disney.
4. Why not put some pictures up. Or are you scared to sleep at night, next to your life partner Juan, just knowing I exist? Well you can "just friends spoon" all you want, because I'm not going to hunt you. Yet.
5. This site.

Very Important Poll

Hello, loving internet. I have a very important poll for you all. Because I love to give you what you want...I am going to ask you about what you want! Yes, that's right! Your very own chance to give feedback to the amazing Hunter I!

1. Do you enjoy The Hunter I's blog?
2. Do you feel The Hunter I's blog lets you in on important facts and truth's you would otherwise miss?
3. If you could get a weekly update from The Hunter I any day of the week, what day would it be?
4. If The Hunter I were to have a comic published about his adventures, would you read it?
5. Would you be interested in The Hunter I featuring a mailbag session?
6. Okay, so two priests walk into a bar. One is bald and one isn't. And, like, the bar's on a ship. And they get in a knife fight. Who wins?
7. Did you ever have a GameGear? Be truthful.
8. Which of the following, entirely credible news sources do you get your news from:
- Weekly World News
- The Onion
- The Enquirer
- The Sun
- The Hunter I's Myspace Blog
- Fox News
9. Have you ever needed, or plan to need a paranormal exterminator?
10. Are you also a hot girl looking for the right man who could potentially be me? (D cups or higher, need I say it?)

I'm not dead.

Contrary to what some of you may believe, I'm not dead. Or undead. Yes, I am very much alive. I need to post more often to keep you people informed. You would be so lost without me.
In other words, you're all very, very lost right now. And I need to change that.